Dinner is served!

If you would have asked me in High School where I'd be in 20 years, I don't believe I would have claimed married with 3 kids. But alas, here I am. And I LOVE it. 

I did have to grow into my role as a mother, as all of us who become mothers do. But I had an especially hard time growing into my role as a wife. 

My parents were divorced when I was 11. I had few examples of what a marriage looked like, let alone a HEALTHY one. I'll forever be grateful for my grandparents who stayed married until grandpa passed last year. A commitment like that is rare these days! 

When I stared dating Ben, I found him peculiar and exciting. I'd never spent much time with anyone quite like him. He was an adventurous spirit, always looking for the next bridge to jump off (another story for another time 🥴), beach to explore, games to play or friends to make. It's funny how the things that attract you to your spouse can be the thing that causes the most conflict later in marriage, ha! 

Early marriage was hard. We were both incredibly immature and insecure. At 21 and 22 years old with our baby faces and high school friends lining the aisles, we made promises and vows before God and our mothers and fathers, and to each other. We had no idea just how hard it was going to be. 

We were really good at hurting each other. I was snarky and manipulative with him because I was scared and actually quite prideful. I believed he should know how I felt and how to treat me. I believed I was right and he was wrong. He was cold and emotionally elusive and hurt by me. He believed I was out to get him and really, we both just wanted to be loved by one another. We just didn't know how. 

There is so much I've learned about marriage, too much for this blog post. God has molded and shaped my heart through tears and struggle into the kind of wife I wish I'd known I could be YEARS ago. I'm grateful. Because one day my daughter will be a wife if God permits. One day my boys will look for wives. How I act and treat my husband, how he treats me- shapes what they think marriage should look like and will affect their choices.

I once heard someone say that if your son's wife treated him the same way you treat your husband, how would that make you feel? Ooof. Conviction.

One of the ways I love my husband now is by serving him dinner. Because he is the head of our family, I dish him up first. I know what he likes. It's a way for me to honor him in front of our guests and our children. Not that he's incapable. Not that I'm an oppressed housewife. But because I delight in making him feel respected. 

For those of you struggling in your marriage, my main advice without knowing the details is to humble yourself. Try to see your husband the way Jesus does. An imperfect sinner who will always mess up. Grace goes a long way. When I think of the grace shown to me by my husband and by my Lord Jesus, it's hard to hold grudges. 

Fix him his favorite meal, serve it to him with a kiss and a smile (whether you think he "deserves" it or not) and watch the shifts in your own heart and quite possibly in his 💗 Call me old fashioned, but I really enjoy this small gesture and I now really enjoy being married. Keep praying. God is listening 🙏